The first four books of The Odyssey do not have Odysseus in them, rather the story begins in his palace in Ithaca with his son Telemachus and his wife Penelope. These are the life lessons that I've appreciated throughout the poem.
16 Life-Changing Lessons that I learned from The Odyssey
1. Be a good host (xenia)
This idea of being a good host occurred time and time again throughout the book. The term 'xenia' means the obligation one has to entertain outsiders. We see the concept of 'xenia' displayed at the very beginning of the book where the reader is introduced not to Odysseus, but to the wife and son that he left behind in Ithaca twenty years earlier. Odysseus' palace has been besieged for more than three years by suitors who, believing that Odysseus is dead, wish to marry Penelope. Being a good host means that these suitors, some 108 men, are fed from the palace's supply of meat, bread, sweets and wine.
The goddess Athene, taking pity on Telemachus, comes to visit. Seeing her, "he set off at once for the porch, ashamed that a stranger should be kept standing at the gates." Unaware that she is a goddess, he treats her with respect nonetheless, offering her a warm seat by the fire, food and drink before hearing her story. When she leaves, he sends with her a parting gift, another recurring action throughout the story. Odysseus' own treatment by the many people he meets along the way reinforces this ideal - we see goodness in those who are good hosts, and more untrustworthy or "bad" characters in those who don't welcome him appropriately.
In addition to 'xenia' there is another aspect of hospitality that crops up throughout the book. The notion of using one's best when a visitor arrives is also a recurring theme. These hospitality themes are ones that we can take inspiration on from today. We may not be entertaining strangers in our home, but our family certainly deserves our hospitality just as much as any stranger. Every Sunday in our home we eat our lunch off our best dishes (from my paternal grandmother) with our best cutlery (my maternal grandmother's). My family know that they deserve this treatment and I love remembering my grandmothers in this way.
2. Don't overstay your welcome
This lesson goes hand in hand with the first one. If your host is a good one, and exhibiting plenty of 'xenia' you may be tempted to hang around longer than initially planned. Don't do this. Instead, thank your host for their kindness, accept their parting gift (and offer them one in return) and then be on your way. Don't be like the suitors and overstay your welcome! Visiting family and friends is a wonderful thing to do, but be mindful that others may have things they need to be doing and say your farewells in a timely manner. This will be different depending on the circumstances. For some, it may be a couple of hours over a meal. For others it might one week over Christmas or during the summer holidays. Either way, be alert to the cues of your host/hostess and don't linger past your welcome.
3. Stand up to bullies
Again, this lesson comes from the Telemachiad, the first four books of the Odyssey that focus on Odysseus son, Telemachus. Telemachus, emboldened by Athena's words, confronts the suitors and asks them to leave his father's house. This is an important lesson for us to remember in our lives, but equally important it is one that we should be passing onto our children and grandchildren. As the hostess, Penelope felt that she couldn't stand up to the suitors that were overstaying their welcome, so Telemachus spoke on her behalf. Sometimes we need to be the voice for those who are weak or vulnerable and unable to speak for themselves. And sometimes we need to turn to someone that we trust to speak on our behalf. There is no shame in this, and we should encourage our children and young people to understand this about bullying. Sometimes, it is easier and more effective if you are not alone when you confront bullies.
4. Wake early with 'the rosy fingers of dawn'
If I had a dollar for every time Homer mentions waking with "the rosy fingers of dawn," then I'd be able to buy you all a cup of coffee! I love the imagery in this tip - it speaks of quiet mornings full of beauty and new beginnings. Starting our day with the sunrise means that we are more likely to be prepared for what the day brings our way. Whether we read, meditate, get ahead on some chores or linger over a hot drink, however we greet the rosy fingers of dawn we will be better off than if we sleep late and then have to rush.
5. Be of good and honest character
The reason that Homer emphasises this point of being of good and honest character, is so that others will admire you and seek your counsel. If you have a reputation of being honest and trustworthy, even today, then it is likely that people will come to you for help. So many self-help books and tips that I have read suggest that you find someone calm, honest and good (for want of a better word) to be friends with. The more "good" people that we surround ourselves with, the better off we will be. This is all well and good, but who exactly are these "good" people? Where do we find them? If we strive to be this person ourselves, then not only are we doing our best to live an honest and fulfilling life, we offer ourselves up to be of help to others. What a wonderful thing! In this world that we live in today, I think this looks like someone who is willing to listen, to put others first, and to offer helpful, and honest advice. Sometimes we don't really want to hear the truth, we just want to be placated and sympathised with. But how are we ever going to grow into our fullest potential if we don't listen to gentle truths and make amends to fix them? It is those people who we trust the most that have the power to gently guide us in the right direction, and we in turn should strive to be this guide for someone else.
6. Dress nicely for dinner
It seems that dressing nicely for dinner has become a bit of lost art in our over-casual society. Traditionally, a nice suit, gown or other appropriate outfit was worn as a sign of respect for the sit down meal to be embarked upon. Today, we are lucky if people make an effort even when they go out to a restaurant to eat. I'm not necessarily advocating ball gowns for dinner, but perhaps a general straightening up of our appearance before we sit down with family or friends would go along way to raise the standards. Instead of forcing others to do the same, you may notice that, after some time, they will naturally want to look a bit nicer too. You never know!
7. Like-mindedness (homophrosyne) between husband and wife is a good thing
I found this point particularly interesting, especially given the rate of divorce in our society today. It may seem a little bit too simple to be included as a tip, but if it were so simple then why do so many marriages break down? It isn't easy being married - walking side by side through life with another person, who has their own worries, ideals, issues and beliefs. If there is an aspect of "homophrosyne" in a couple, then they are already starting with an advantage. When I got married, I was 25. I had only known my husband for one year, and in that time we didn't talk about deep and meaningful things, life goals or our beliefs. However, thankfully, over time, we have discovered that we are very like-minded on many things. This has brought a level of deep respect and harmony to our relationship and to our lives. My advice to my children and any young people looking for a life-partner these days, is to have conversations about these things before committing. I got lucky, but many people don't! It is the worst thing to think that you can change someone after you have committed, and I wonder if this isn't the mistake that some people make. I had relationships where I thought I could change my partner (before I was married), and they never ended well. My husband is not perfect (and nor am I!) but we do accept each other as we are and work very well together, guided by our like-mindedness. The deep relationship between Penelope and Odysseus is demonstrated throughout the epic - including secrets, intimate confessions, like-minded attitudes and physical intimacy. Once a partnership lacks things, it can lead to a breakdown. I would think that the best thing to do if you find yourself in this situation is to find those things that you do have in common and build from there. Find the shared jokes, the intimate moments, the things that you agree on and emphasise them in your daily lives.
8. Tackle one problem at a time
If you have read anything on mindfulness, simple living, positive habits or good mental health, then no doubt you will have come across this tip! It is part of the new wave of good health tips for an excellent reason - it has stood the test of time and even Homer advises it! Odysseus was a man who faced problem after problem, trial after trial. At times he was overwhelmed and felt like giving up. However, once he changed his mindset to just focus on one problem at a time, he had more success and hope was re-ignited once more. I know that when I feel overwhelmed by stress, by bringing my focus to just one thing at a time, things feel more manageable.
Well, there has been a lot of food for thought in this post and if you have stuck with me thus far, I hope you have found it interesting and of some inspiration. Are you familiar with the Odyssey? What do you think of these eight tips from the Odyssey?
Stay tuned for the second half next week. Thanks for stopping by!
I've never read this book nor the Illiad. Obviously I need to correct myself and do so! I loved this post Kristi and am now off to read part II
ReplyDeleteThanks Terri! You can read it online for free and there are many audio versions to listen to as well. I hope it speaks to you as it did to me!
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