Inspired by the Classics: The role of older women in our lives

I consider myself lucky to have a number of older women in my life who are my mentors, my confidantes and my friends. These include my mother, my stepmother, my mother-in-law and two close friends I have made through teaching. All have been in my life for a number of years and seen me through good times and bad. I have only recently come to appreciate the role that they have played in my life: accepting me as I am, offering advice and guidance when asked, sharing values, ideals and interests (especially in literature and history), amongst other things. Not all of them fulfil each of these roles, but as a whole, they keep me on a good path. It got me thinking about the role of older women in literature, well in recent literature anyway. I thought the role of older women in ancient literature would probably be another post all of its own! I know that many Christian women look to the Scripture Titus 2 for guidance on how to graciously mentor younger women, but there are some women in classic literature can also teach us, some of them by giving us an example of what not to do.

These are some of the older women who came to my mind. I'd love to know what you think of them, and if there are others you would add to this list.

Marmee March in Little Women

 I think it is universally agreed that the March girls adore their mother, referred to affectionately as Marmee. She is generous and kind, always willing to share what little she has with her daughters and others less fortunate then herself. For her daughters she is considered a true role model and on a number of occasions the girls remark, let us do as Mother does. I'm not sure many teenage girls would think of their mothers in such a way these days! Could we perhaps learn something from Mrs March's patient and wise ways? She is a mentor, confidante, friend and mother to all the March girls, and knows each of her daughters so well that she never tries to compare or change them. She honours and nurtures their true spirits but always offer gentle guidance to help them live a fulfilled life when necessary. For Meg, this is the gentle reminder that possessions aren't worth as much as she thinks they are, and that is never a good idea to start a marriage with lies or deceit. Her advice to Jo, with whom she claims to hold most in common, is to bring her patience and temper under control. Mrs March claims that this has also been an area of trial in her own life, however her own patience is on display with Beth and Amy, the younger the March girls, which gives Jo hope. 

“Yes, I’ve learned to check the hasty words that rise to my lips, and when I feel that they mean to break out against my will, I just go away for a minute, and give myself a little shake for being so weak and wicked,” answered Mrs. March with a sigh and a smile, as she smoothed and fastened up Jo’s disheveled hair.

The lesson here, I think, is to be authentic with younger women and to show them that we too have struggled and overcome trials and tribulations through perseverance and self-control. This is a good opportunity to actually work on these things ourselves, even if we are not yet in the role of mentor to younger women. Consider the things that we have been through as lessons, not only for our own future, but for the younger women in our lives. 

Anne Weston (nee Taylor) in Emma 

Officially, a governess for over sixteen years, Mrs Weston is a sensible and mild mannered influence in the passionate, young Emma's life. She acts as a confidante and surrogate mother figure to Emma and just like Mrs March she knows Emma well enough to offer gentle advice without trying to change or manipulate her. Emma feels that she has worked wonders in Mrs Weston's life (due to the matchmaking skills that resulted in the Weston's marriage), but I think that Mrs Weston continues to influence Emma in a number of ways. 

Even before Miss Taylor had ceased to hold the nominal office of governess, the mildness of her temper had hardly allowed her to impose any restraint; and the shadow of authority being now long passed away, they had been living together as friend and friend very mutually attached, and Emma doing just what she liked; highly esteeming Miss Taylor’s judgment, but directed chiefly by her own.

She is referred to as being "rational" and "unaffected," respected attributes in the Victorian era. I think the value in Mrs Weston's relationship with Emma was the solidarity of their friendship. We see Emma try and emulate this with Harriet Smith, but I think, not quite to the same authentic degree as Mrs Weston has done. Mr Knightley, amongst others, is aware of the influence the quiet Miss Taylor has had on Emma, claiming, "Nature gave you understanding:—Miss Taylor gave you principles."

What a compliment such a statement is to Miss Taylor!

 Mrs Jennings in Sense and Sensibility 

"Mrs. Jennings, Lady Middleton’s mother, was a good-humoured, merry, fat, elderly woman, who talked a great deal, seemed very happy, and rather vulgar. She was full of jokes and laughter, and before dinner was over had said many witty things on the subject of lovers and husbands; hoped they had not left their hearts behind them in Sussex, and pretended to see them blush whether they did or not." 

Now, you may disagree with me about the role of Mrs Jennings in the Dashwood sisters' lives, but I think there is some inspiration to be taken from this example.  Mrs Jennings takes on the role of chaperone in London, to Elinor and her sister Marianne. "She had only two daughters, both of whom she had lived to see respectably married, and she had now therefore nothing to do but to marry all the rest of the world."

She is often regarded as an interfering annoyance, but later, becomes a good-hearted friend. I think the lesson to be learnt from Mrs Jennings is quite straightforward: consider if the advice and the comments you are making to the younger women in your life are welcome and well received. Joviality and making fun is all well and good, but not to the detriment of those around you. Her character reminds us to be mindful of fly-away comments, even if they are good intentioned, and how hurtful they can be. Once aware of Marianne's true heartbreak, Mrs Jennings displays compassion and kindness, as recognised by Elinor. Unfortunately, the impact of her previous behaviour has soured Marianne against her. 

Mrs Bennet in Pride and Prejudice shares many of the tiresome features of Mrs Jennings, without the redeeming ones. I chose not to include her here, though if you have something that can be said about her as inspiring or insightful, I'd love to hear it in the comments!

Whether you are a young women with older women in your life, or an older woman guiding younger women, then I hope that this post has resonated with you. I could consider other characters, and may do so in a future post, but don't want to waffle on. Being mindful of the influence our words, actions and behaviour can have on others - whether intentionally or unintentionally - is the first step to emulating some of the positive influences of older women in literature. Notice, I don't say old women, simply older. Perhaps you are an older sister or cousin, or work with younger women. That is a nice opportunity to work on yourself (if you feel the need to) to be a positive influence in someone else's life. I think the role models that young women have today can be seen as artificial - social media profiles that are highly edited or "content creators" who really do create content to serve their purposes. Surely it would be better for young women to have real role models, women that they can look up to, admire and talk to. I am thankful that my own daughters have aunties and grandmothers to guide them and understand them. I also hope that one day they will see me as a positive influence in their lives. 

Let me know of any positive role models in your own lives or that you admire in classical literature in the comments below.

Have a lovely week,

Kirsty x