As I read Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre it didn't take me long to see what aspect of the novel was going to inspire and uplift me. The novel's main character, and titular character at that, Jane Eyre knows herself from a very early age. Even though she is shunned and abused, she does not shy away from who she is and what she values. I thought this the most lovely lesson of which to be reminded and thought we could explore it more fully here together.
In his book, "Know Thyself: The Path Towards Transformation," Dr Nelson C. Elias says, "the rule is simple: we can't love something we don't know." We want to know all about ourselves; what we love, what we value, what matters in our lives and who we want to be in the future. Knowing ourselves is a lifelong journey and goes hand in hand with being lifelong learners. Getting to know yourself is an invaluable investment in time and energy, because once you understand what you like (and why), what makes you comfortable, what makes uncomfortable, what you need to thrive, and why you are the way that you are, you are able to enjoy life, minimising judgment, condemnation and anxiety. Knowing what you like and giving yourself permission to enjoy it (for me, it's early nights and early mornings) means you no longer have to feel worried that you don't stay up late when everyone around you is a self professed night-owl. We want to be able to proudly say, "this is who I am." Well, you might be saying to yourself, this is all well and good, Kirsty, but where do I begin to figure out who I am and what I like? For so long, I've been defined by ...... (insert job occupation/societal opinion/own perception here) that I don't even know who I am anymore.
In La Bella Figura author Kelli Belle suggests trying this activity to bring some clarity to your own mind about who you are and who you would like to be:
"This exercise involves writing a profile of your alter ego. It is about crafting a future persona, the person you wish to be, the person inside you waiting to emerge. It helps to read this 'profile' or 'portrait' often as a reminder of who you want to be.'
Belle then goes on to share her own alter-ego, her inner Italian girl Gabriella who loves to entertain and eat outdoors, laughing and sharing simple pleasures with friends and family. She goes into quite a lot of detail, down to Gabriela's clothing, daily routine and lifestyle.
I'm not asking you to write this down (although feel free because it is a very worthwhile activity), but take a few moments to get a clear picture in your mind of your own alter-ego persona. Who is she or he? What does she do? What inspires her? What are her loves and passions? Jot down a few key words and keep them somewhere you can refer to them regularly to keep you on your own, steady path.
Now, let's turn to the Charlotte Bronte's brilliant Jane Eyre for more advice on how to know ourselves.
Know your goals for the future
"The utmost I hope is, to save money enough out of my earnings to set up a school some day in a little house rented by myself." Jane makes this claim around halfway through the book, and before the end of the book she has seen it come to fruition. Although she had a number of setbacks, and although her goals changed throughout the novel, she did not lose sight of this particular idea. A strong notion of independence and self-sufficiency underlies the whole novel and how Jane views herself. A very forward thinking notion for Jane's time. We know, now, that people entering the work force will have as many as eight or ten different jobs/careers in their working lives but this should not stop us from making goals for the future. Even when on the cusp of marring Mr Rochester and entering a vastly different life of upper class living, Jane still wishes to maintain her independence:
"...if I had but a prospect of one day bringing Mr Rochester an accession of fortune, I could better endure to be kept by him now."
Jane has always been steadfastly independent and even the thought of being a kept, married woman is one to be "endured." She knows herself well and makes plans for the future to be more comfortable and to be better able to support herself.
Know your values and beliefs
"I like to serve you, sir, and to obey you in all that is right."
Jane's value system is very strong and we see this repeatedly throughout the novel. She understands her place in the very strict society in which she lives, yet she will not follow orders from anyone, even her beloved Mr Rochester, if it means going against what she believes and holds dearly. What are your values? What do you hold dearly? Does religion guide your values and beliefs? Do the laws of your country? Do you have a personal value and belief system? Do you value honesty? Integrity? Justice? Diversity? Creativity? Courage? Tolerance?
Knowing what you value and choosing to live your life by them will guide your behaviour in ways that you are comfortable with, and will not lead you astray. Voltaire, the French philosopher and writer tells us that, "nothing can bring you peace but yourself." Although she was only eighteen when she was to marry Mr Rochester, Jane was well aware that by marrying him and going against her values she would not have peace nor would she be happy with becoming that person. This is where Mr Rochester failed to understand her, as did Mr St John, who wanted to marry her for reasons other than love.
Jane soon sets Mr Rochester straight though, when she claims: "I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will, which I now exert to leave you." To Mr St John Rivers, she insists that: "If I were to marry you, you would kill me."
I have to admit, I cheered when I read these lines! They so wonderfully strong and progressive and indicative of Jane's character and the respect she has for herself. For a woman of a lower class to stand up to men like this in Victorian England, I believe she must have been a champion for other women too. She certainly can be for us, today! I wish that I had had such strong values when I was eighteen years old! This is something that we can help our children with as they grow up, guiding them to find a clear, strong set of values that won't bend and break under societal pressure. Guide them to read these kinds of books, that demonstrate how women can respect themselves and others, without losing sight of what they value..
Know your true style
Again, we see Jane using her own understanding of herself to go against the wishes of Mr Rochester when it comes to dress. Mr Rochester wishes to "cover the head I love best with a priceless veil," and buy all manner of exotic silks and dresses for Jane's new wardrobe as a married woman. Jane, however, refuses him, saying:
"And then you won't know me, sir; and I shall not be your Jane Eyre any longer, but an ape in a harlequin's jacket - a jay in borrowed plumes."
Have you ever worn an outfit and felt like a "jay in borrowed plumes?" You probably felt uncomfortable the entire time and wished you had gone with another outfit. The amount of times I have worn something that wasn't my true style...well, I shudder to think of it! When we don't know or understand our true style we are apt to make many a fashion faux pas - for ourselves. Comfort should be paramount when we dress and I don't just mean physical comfort. Do you also feel comfortable in your own skin, wearing that outfit? Does it reflect who you are? What you believe? Or do you dress for other people or to satisfy the opinions or standards of others? There is so much to say on the topic of having a true, personal style and I will do so more in the future. For now, let us content ourselves with Jane's wise words:
"I only want an easy mind, sir; not crushed by crowded obligations."
Know that finding your true style - whatever that may look like for you - will give you peace of mind when shopping and getting dressed each day. Gone will be the days of feeling like "dressed like a doll" by someone else.
Be Self-Aware
"That a greater fool than Jane Eyre had never breathed the breath of life; that a more fantastic idiot had never surfeited herself on sweet lies, and swallowed poison as if it were nectar."
Jane has no trouble defining how she feels. She knows the exact reason for her feelings, files away the cause and does her best to not let herself be put in that situation again. There are times where we may feel foolish, even idiotic, by our actions and our behaviours. It doesn't help, however, to dwell on this negative self-talk. We can acknowledge the feelings, acknowledge the cause, and take preventative steps for the future. Sometimes, these feelings can be caused by the words, actions or betrayals or others and can be out of our hands. However, by truly knowing ourselves, and being proud of the person that we are, we can minimise how the words of others can impact us.
"Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! - I have as much soul as you, - and full as much heart!"
Jane knows how she can talk to people; indeed the way that she responds to Mr Rochester is quite different to how she interacts with St. John Rivers. She knows the level at which she feels comfortable in her social interactions. We see this also with her forced association with the Ingrams, Eshtons, Dents and others during their social stay at Thornfield. She prefers to remain quiet, and half-hidden by the shadows then join in their fun and games. This is where she feels comfortable, and rather than act like someone she is not, she sits quietly and suffers their snide remarks in silence. She does not seek their approval, nor try to show-off to gain their attention. That would not be true to her nature and she knows it.
I could go on and on about this wonderful book and all the things it can teach us about ourselves, but I think this post is getting long enough! I love Jane Eyre so much, so don't be surprised if another post inspired by Bronte's classic pops up again in the future!
Let me know your reflections on the novel or how you have gone in your journey to "know thyself" in the comments.
Kirsty x
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